Wherein the crew confirm their suspicion that Cap’n Funny, Isn’t.
Ship’s Log; RES Speaks Softly, Date ? recording.
Blah. Blah. Blah. End entry.
Lord Rwvyan Nenoic and Lady Kotonaru Joined by Zanven Greensleeves and Yevon Si.
Session Summary: pending
Executive Officer’s Log, RES Speaks Softly, 5041.155~; Haven Prime; Supplemental; Rwvyan Nenoic recording.
We appeared in a corridor amidships, while alarms started going off. I checked the ship layout, and determined that we needed to move straight ahead down the corridor. As we prepared to move out, a mounted gun dropped down out of the ceiling at the end of the corridor. I ran forward, drawing Singularity from my back, and slashed the sword into the array, slicing off both barrels. Koto, Zanven and Yevon moved up to my position, and we turned a slight corner to find a blast door.
We heard a male voice over the intercom say “New playthings! It’s time to join the crew!” We assumed it was “Cap’n” Funny, trying to be funny.
Zanven asked me to slice the cover off the panel next to the door. He pulled out an electronics kit, and began hot wiring the controls, with Yevon’s assistance. Koto prepared herself for whatever might be on the other side of the door. When the door slid open, we saw another swarm of hands. The make voice came over the intercom again, saying “All hands on deck, tee hee.” I snarked, “That was…weak.” Koto used her wand, and the hands disintegrated to ash in a blast of fire. The other door warped slightly.
We were having trouble opening it, so Koto handed me her sword, VoidKiss and I used it to cut through the door. Once we were through, we saw a ramp leading up to the right. As we hit the top of the ramp, we saw six pirates. Three were kneeling and three were standing behind them. All were armed with laser rifles. From behind them, someone else tossed a grenade onto the ramp. I snatched it up and tossed it back to them. Always a classic. We heard a pirate start to yell “Aaargh…” just before it went off, knocking them all down and stunning them.
Koto used her wand again to devastating effect, killing all seven pirates. In the aftermath, we heard the sounds of shattering plasteel and shorting electronics. Lights along the upper part of the wall started flashing blue. Zanven took a look around and said, “Oh. Well.” In unison we all say, “Oh, well, what?” He replied, “Shields are down.”
Zanven started rifling through the pirates’ pockets, and grabbed a laser rifle for himself. He also found a keycard with the number 20 on it. Yevon also appropriated a laser rifle off the floor. Spying something small flying away down the hall, about to turn the corner, she took aim and shot it. It fell to the floor.
Over the intercom, we heard a scream, and then a voice said, “You killed Coco! I’m going to eat your guts, you bitch!” Yevon responded by unloading a couple of additional rounds into a little rotting winged monkey. She refrained from any verbal comment. We moved up the hallway to find another set of blast doors.
Within the mind link, Koto suggested that she teleport us to the other side of the next set of blast doors, rather than trying to cut through them again. We all agree. As Koto casts, a door on our right side opens and four pirates rush out and shoot at us. We can see at least four more in the room behind them. They first group missed me and Zanven, but hit Koto and Yevon. Then they dropped to their knees, and the second row fired, except for one pirate who fumbled his weapon. We could hear zombie noises from the room behind us, and we suspected that the shipboard necromancer raised the defeated pirates, planning to make us fight them a second time. Koto teleported to the other side of the blast doors.
We appeared in another long stretch of corridor ending in another blast door. I took the opportunity to seal the door behind us with quickcrete. We reviewed the schematics, and decided we were close enough for Koto to teleport us right outside the bridge. After a quick discussion, Koto picked a room just off the starboard side of the bridge. Just as we made the decision, Yevon dropped to the ground. She was still breathing, but it was shallow and fast. I picked her up, and Koto teleported us.
Koto had some difficulty getting through the enchantments near the bridge, but as a sorcerer, she was able to overpower the ward. The room where we appeared was clearly central life support, with large oxygen cannisters and control panels. There were three pirates in the room, but we had the drop on them. I carefully put Yevon down, and beheaded the closest one before he could sound an alarm. Koto killed the second one with a sonic bolt, and Zanven jammed his stun baton into the third pirate’s armpit, dropping him to his knees. I stepped over and killed him.
We had a quick discussion via mind link about what forces we might still encounter. Zanven suspected a minimum of 20-25 people would be needed to fly this battlecruiser, and we had already killed ten. However, there was no guarantee that Funny hadn’t stuffed in extra crew.
We needed to figure out how to prevent the necromancer from raising the dead pirates while we were fighting too, and we needed to get Yevon back on her feet. She was clearly poisoned, and none of us had a dermpatch that would cure poison. I looked around and found a medkit on the wall. We were really lucky, because it had one neutralize poison dermpatch. It also had two rebreather masks, and Koto put those in her bag, just in case. I slapped the dermpatch onto Yevon, who woke up pretty quickly. Koto and Zanven were freaking out about her mods. She’s going to be pissed if she finds out they know. Zanven found some additional keycards on the dead pirates in here, and pocketed all of them.
Once she woke up, she wanted to know where her new laser rifle was…apparently, I dropped it when I scooped her up in the hallway. I gave her mine to use by way of apology.
Koto pulled out her window chalk so we could see through the door into the next area, comparing it to the schematic. She saw two pirates run by carrying heavy weaponry, heading to our right. We decided to go left. I asked Zanven if he could get the door open. I didn’t see anywhere to use a keycard. He looked at me and reached over to push a green button next to the door. The door slid open. He pushed the red button. The door slid closed. The little smartass said, “Yes, I can.”
Then we heard a woman’s voice over the comm, “Attention all station, please report in. Please report in.” We were out of time. I passed the web grenades I took from the Armory to Yevon.
I carefully opened the door and stood just out of sight, listening. I could hear people typing around the corner to the left, along the wall. I heard a woman’s voice (not Sofia) say, “It sounds like they’re wiping Gracious’ ass.”
Funny said, “Good, that’s what they’re supposed to do. Now let’s give them a prize for their efforts, prep the nukes.”
Sofia said, “But sir, what about all that treasure that’s supposedly down there?”
He replied, “We’re not in this for the loot, target the RES ship.”
I tried to reach the Captain, but he wasn’t answering. Yves was always a damn liar, but I have to admit, the silence worried me. With no way to warn the rest of the crew, we knew we had to stop them from dropping any nukes.
Koto made sure Zanven had all the key cards we’ve collected. His job was to prevent the launch of any nukes. Yevon was going to continue to watch our backs while Koto and I engaged Funny.
I took out one of my own precious EMP grenades and tossed it right into the center of the bridge. We heard Sofia yell “Grenade!” and Funny cast two spells back to back. Then the grenade went off and all the lights went out. I slapped on a dermpatch of darksight and moved towards Funny, but Sofia blocked me. It turns out that Funny is the necromancer, not Sofia. She said, “You aren’t going to touch him.” I didn’t bother to reply, since I clearly intended to touch him. With my sword. On the kidney.
While Sofia and I tested each other’s martial skills, Koto also used a derm patch of darksight. Then, she used her breath weapon on the five pirates sitting at the panels to our left, killing them. She followed up by casting a rapid fire bolt at Sofia. Both Sofia and Funny had some sort of arcane protection. The first bolt got through the arcane protection but Sofia dodged it. The second one hit but she shook it off.
Meanwhile, Yevon kept her eyes and gun trained on the far end of the corridor, in case any pirates came our way. Zanven pushed the dead woman out of the closest chair so he could sit down as soon as the power came back on. He stood against the wall with his flashlight in his hand, but turned off.
Sofia tried to insult me, bless her black little heart. She said, “What are you supposed to be, some kind of mutated draconic afterbirth?” I replied, “I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.”
Sofia and I continued our frenzied swordplay, neither one gaining any real advantage over the other. Funny was casting spells at me and at Koto, and things were chaotic as hell. Two pirates came running back up the corridor, and both Yevon and Zanven shot at them with their laser rifles. Yevon killed one and Zanven hit the other but didn’t kill him.
Funny is casting spells around the corner, so we can’t clearly see him. Koto decided to cast a Dispel from the wand, and also cast a greater blast. The dispel did not take down either Sofia’s or Funny’s arcane protection as she had hoped. The greater blast didn’t do any real damage to Sofia or Funny, but she did manage to kill three more bridge crew, including a helmsman, who was ignoring the fight and throwing a fit, slamming his fists on the helm over and over again.
I could hear people yelling from the other side of the bridge, out of sight. I took an opportunity to glance around the corner, and I could see there was fire outside the main window, but I couldn’t see the cause.
I continued to fight with Sofia. I have to admit, she was good. Yevon killed the pirate Zanven had been targeting, clearing that end of the hall. Koto decided to try another dispel on Sofia and Funny, and this one worked. She followed that up with a blast of fire from her wand. Funny went up like a candle. He collapsed into the helm seat, dropping his staff onto the floor. Sofia, also badly burned, turns to see Funny fall and screamed out, “You killed him, you son of a bitch!” at Koto. Koto simply replied, “Daughter.”
Sofia decided to retreat, but we were determined not to let her. She used a dermpatch to make herself invisible, but Koto dispelled it. The fight continued but in the end we killed her. I scooped up her sword and plasma pistol, while Koto grabbed Funny’s staff. That’s when we noticed the pirates from the other side of the bridge were fleeing. Looking out the window, we could see flame.
Yevon said, “We’re in reentry, and our shields are down!”
At that point, discretion seemed the better part of valor. We saw shuttle pull out of the bay and whip around, slamming into the side of the ship and crashing.
We decided to follow the bridge crew, and left through the far doors. Rather than follow the crew’s example and try to take a shuttle, Koto teleported us back down to the starboard bay of the Speaks. We found Keystone there, manning the gatling gun. He didn’t shoot us with it, which we greatly appreciated. I asked after the Captain, and Keystone informed us that the bridge had been blown up by a “fake” Samai.